Learning from six past manager mishaps

For months, Jinder Mahal has dominated The Great Khali on SmackDown. On Raw, Vickie Guerrero is considering taking on additional clients like Jack Swagger. Earlier this year, several managerial prospects showed up to guide Tyson Kidd on “WWE Superstars.” WWE.com recommends that if a new crop of managers is in fact emerging, they must learn from those that came before them. Not so much from their accomplishments, but from their mistakes.

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Lesson No. 1: Don’t burn bridges
Even the strongest “harts” break. However, when the elite combination of the original Hart Foundation – Bret “Hit Man” Hart and Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart – decided to split from their infamous manager Jimmy Hart in 1987, “The Mouth of the South” had a hard time letting go. Since he still held the contract to his departing team, Hart set out on a mission to harass the Pink and Black, cashing a paycheck every time they stepped in the ring to compete. Then, after helping to cost the Foundation their World Tag Team Titles, he decided to share the wealth, cutting in his newly signed team – the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers – for 50 percent of his share in the Hart Foundation’s contract.

Though his power-maneuver allowed Jimmy Hart to save face from a business standpoint and provided personal vengeance that kept him laughing all the way to the bank, there is a very strong possibility that his decision ultimately cost him millions. Soon after the controversy had played itself out, Bret Hart would begin his incredibly lucrative singles career, one that would ultimately produce five WWE Championship reigns for the future Hall of Famer. He would also resurrect the Hart Foundation, building it into one of the premier factions in WWE. But, because of the bad blood forged in their past contract dispute, even a savvy manipulator like Jimmy Hart couldn’t mend that broken “Hart” and was left out in the cold. The point is, class, if you feel like you have to burn a bridge, at least try and use a weak lighter fluid.

Lesson No. 2: Never assume too much
Mama always used to say, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Well, someone forgot to tell the managers of WWE. In 1987, every one of them suited up for the “Battle for Bam Bam,” a managerial power struggle to see who would take the squared circle’s newest prospect Bam Bam Bigalow under their wing. Word spread quick that whichever ring wrangler snagged this prized gem was in for great prosperity – and every manager was completely convinced that he would come out of top. However, each week, one of them found themselves literally X’ed off the list, crushing their hopes of latching themselves to the new up-and-comer.

When it finally came down to Slick, the WWE Universe and the “Doctor of Style” both assumed the competition had reached its conclusion. That was until an odd-looking stranger – one Sir Oliver Humperdink – came to the mic to introduce Bam Bam to the world. Despite the “Slickster’s” assumption that he was “the man,” Bam Bam – as rough and tough as the tattoos on his skull – knocked both the confused manager and his stable member Nikolai Volkoff off the interview podium, screaming that Humperdink was indeed his manager. To play on the old phrase, class: Never assume. It makes an a** out of you … and well, your Russian crony.

Lesson No. 3: Resist personal relationships with your Superstars
Though she still plays a vital role in the current WWE picture, the continuous romantic tragedy of WWE’s resident cougar Vickie Guerrero offers a crucial lesson to any prospective manager. It could never be denied that, since coming into her own, this resourceful business woman has not only proved herself a capable ring escort, but also a powerful player in the highest levels of the squared circle. But, Vickie Guerrero’s weakness would time and time again prove to be her undoing, wreaking havoc on her managerial partnerships.

Case-in-point, while serving as SmackDown General Manager, Guerrero single-handled engineered Edge’s assertion to the World Heavyweight Championship, while at the same time bringing about the banishment of The Undertaker from WWE. However, in doing so, she lost sight of the big picture, marrying her Rated-R Champion and giving every bit of herself to The Ultimate Opportunist. Completely smitten, there was no way for Guerrero to hold her world together when she learned the news that her new groom had cheated on her with the wedding planner. Her horrific screams signaled that the party was over and so was Guerrero’s conquest of WWE’s spotlight.

Guerrero would step on her own feet time and time again, compromising her enormous professional status in favor of promises of love and companionship – temporarily elevating new Superstar Eric Escobar and having a scandalous affair of gigantic proportions with Big Show.

Vickie would even travel down the exact road with Dolph Ziggler as she had with her Master Manipulator ex-spouse. After getting then-World Heavyweight Champion Edge fired, the calculated cougar used highly questionable circumstances to hand her bleach blond beau the World Title. But, when Theodore Long reemerged to thwart her abuse of power, it ultimately cost Guerrero’s Superstar his title, his job and the romantic chapter of his life with Vickie.

So, remember the Godfather credo, class and keep things “strictly business.” Certainly don’t forget to keep it that way three or four times!

Lesson No. 4: While it's essential to know when to talk, never forget when to walk … or sometimes run
Throughout his time in WWE, Hall of Famer Bobby Heenan used his managerial abilities to reach unprecedented heights, building a stable of incredible Superstar villains throughout the ‘80’s and early ‘90s. However, because “The Brain” never knew when to cut short his offensive, he ended up taking as much punishment as any of the A-list athletes he managed.

There was the time when the legendary Hulk Hogan choked out the over-the-top manager, forcing him to use a neck brace that was almost as painful as the constant ribbing from his announcing colleague, Hall of Famer Gorilla Monsoon. In another mismatch that put endless smiles on the faces of the WWE Universe, Heenan’s exasperating tongue forced him into a match against The Ultimate Warrior, a one-sided showdown resulting in the great schemer being shoved into a weasel suit at the match’s inevitable conclusion.

However, perhaps the greatest punishment he took came at the hands of the towering crown jewel of the Heenan Family, Andre the Giant, at WrestleMania VI. Despite being called “The Brain,” it was never a sound career move to slap The Eighth Wonder of the World, an action that caused Heenan to suffer an assault of “Giant” retribution. In short, class, don’t make the Superstars angry. You won’t like them when they’re angry.

 Lesson No. 5: Even in the rough-and-tough world of WWE, beware of fashion faux pas
Every manager looks to stand out in order to attract future prospects and add to the promotion of their personal brand as a whole. Sometimes, when they try to do this with their wardrobe, it’s an instant homerun. Who could forget Jimmy Hart’s colorful jackets or the lovely gowns worn by Miss Elizabeth? Nevertheless, some managers never quite hit the mark in their crash-and-burn clothing experiments.

Many in the WWE Universe still have the frightening image cemented into their brains of the wildly over-the-top jackets and ruffled tuxedo shirts of Sir Oliver Humperdink and the strange turban and glasses worn by The Grand Wizard.

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Of course, who doesn’t like a good Hawaiian shirt? But, Hall of Famer Captain Lou, what was with the rubber bands all over your face all the time? And most would agree that Luna Vachon got a little too creative with her make-up, not to mention her frightening hairstyles and a clothing selection that usually included more chains than cloth. So class, although clothes can make the manager, sometimes they just make a mess.

Lesson No. 6: Always mind your illegal objects and weaponry …
One of the great tools at the disposal of elite WWE Managers is their weapon of choice, that quintessential foreign object that could make the difference between their Superstars reaching championship glory and falling into obscurity. Still, occasionally, your ace in the hole would leave you looking like the Joker.

Such was the case for Mr. Fuji at WrestleMania IX. At first, it looked to be a truly proud moment for the calculating manager and the entire Empire of Japan. After years of leading top notch talent into battle, the skilled master of the mat had helped Yokozuna defeat WWE Champion Bret Hart on The Grandest Stage of Them All – largely due to the salt that sinister second man threw into the face of The Excellence of Execution, blinding him long enough for his colossal client to pick up the monumental victory.

However, class, you must take what happened next with “a grain of salt.” Just moments after achieving their great triumph, the gigantic new champion and his manager decided to put the title on the line against the iconic former champion Hulk Hogan. Feeling that no dirty trick that worked once was too repetitious, Fuji decided to throw the salt at the legendary challenger. However, when Hogan moved, the chaotic condiment accidently flew in the face of Yokozuna himself. Hogan went on to win back the WWE Title, bringing about one of the shortest World Title reigns in history. So class, maybe in retrospect, salt is as unhealthy as people say, especially for a manager’s career.